*I wrote this earlier in 2022 for Tim, who went through a bit of a health hiccup. Seeing him made me contemplate my very long friendship with Tim and his brother. While I know this piece isn’t finished, I’ve decided to publish it. Life is short. You should say stuff.
Where are your friends? What makes them your friends? For me, it is the hardly-ever-but-like-only-yesterday feeling of security.
Someone I knew a bit a while ago told me “you can’t beat history”. She was right.
I have two boys-now-men in my life whom I have known for all but one year of it. They are brothers. As adults, we might see each other every five years. Probably less often. We live thousands of kilometres apart in three different directions. Our phone calls and texts happen around birthday time, but there are no probes, nor details. Sometimes the entire exchange is as brief as only using each other’s surnames once and we know the other person is at the other end giggling at the absurdity, yet grateful for the touchpoint.
When we are together, we slip right back to easy conversation and belly laughs. We’re so very different, with our lives and interests. But we still laugh like we are kids smashing coke cans on coral pinnacles; or chasing turtles from a President’s pond and being delivered home by police cars – sirens blaring; or riding our bikes along classroom verandahs and down stairs while tertiary students try to concentrate on their economics lesson; or jumping off jetties into water (and the occasional boat propeller – OUCH!); or dramatising unsanctioned jokes for show and tell; or believing that nasty man when he told us those teeny red chillies were lollies; or …. or…. or…. . So many stories from our common past.
That history keeps us together, even when we’re not. Yet when we are together we don’t regurgitate the same ol’ stuff, because there is actually more in our lives that is uncommon to each other. We’ve gotten on with so many separate things since our childhood, there is so much to explore together that is new.
The history gives us safety to be our true selves, without filters, because we’ve known who we really are for so long. There’s no room (nor tolerance) for affect or pretence. I feel good having it. I wonder if everyone has access to this security, I hope so. You can’t beat it.